Meghan

Argh. I should have gone out tonight. I know I should have. In fact, in about 10 minutes, I bet my phone will ring with Steve wondering where I am. But I just didn't want to go! I have a big day tomorrow. And I feel like dirt tonight. There's no way I could handle a whole party. It's too much right now. Baby steps, right?

My mom is packing to spend a week at the beach with Dad and the extended Sheehan family. She seems so overwhelmed by the task and I just don't get it. Isn't this the same woman who wrangled four kids, at once? What happened? How does this turn into a monumental task, on par with my move to Chicago? It's really amazing. How on earth did she have 4 kids??? I know she was a great mom. I don't get it.

Oh wow, Laura! You look so beautiful! You must be so excited/freaked out for the baby. Your house looks like such a home now, but I can still hardly believe you'll be walking around it with a baby. Wow. So cool!

Oh, lord. Now that my mom is home, we're celebrating my birthday again. Mom is pissed at Dad, Dad is overcompensating by being annoying loud and cheerful and telling stories about how you can decide that you're happy whenever you want!, and mom has already cried once.

I thought my stupid birthday was over. Evidently not. 5 more hours. We have to go to bed eventually, right?

I'm in the process of buying a new laptop for school. I'm leaning towards a Thinkpad - anyone have any thoughts? Ones to steer clear of? Features to definitely get? Good/bad experiences with various brands?

Was anyone else blocked off and on recently from livejournal? It was telling me that I had too many unsuccessful login attempts. But I didn't try to login. And I'm pretty sure that it wasn't someone here - Mom's out of town (the usual suspect for these kinds of things) and Dad never uses the home computer. I think it was lj.

Eschewing the time-honored tradition of making New Year's resolutions, I prefer to make Birthday Resolutions. It just seems like a better time to reflect, renew, etc. Every year, on my birthday, I make some personal goals/resolutions. This year, I putting them on lj, in an attempt to make them more concrete and make me more likely to stick to them!

1. No more procrastinating! This applies to laundry, studying (v important this year), getting out of bed, going to bed, filing finances, and any other task I always put off.

2. No more bad decisions. Don't get me wrong, I know I'll always make some bad decisions, I can't predict the future, etc. I'm not talking about "Hindsight is 20-20" decisions. I mean decisions I know will bring me nothing but trouble/financial difficulty/heartache/a hangover. When foresight is 20-20, when I see trouble down the road and walk right up to it and shake its hand. Those decisions. No more justifying actions/decisions that I know will only end up hurting me somehow.

3. Men - Have I learned nothing? Really, in all this time, have I actually retained no experiential knowledge? I will not repeat the same mistakes over and over! One day, I will not make the same mistakes!

4. I want to try 5 new things that I'm not sure if I can do. I'm counting biz school as the first. Learning to rock climb is the second. 3-5 are still up in the air...we'll see.

So there. Here's to a new year!

When will this day end? What happened to me? I used to love birthdays. Last year, my birthday stunk (alone in Niger, no one around, really hot, electricity cut off all day, sick, etc. A miserable birthday), but I thought this year it would be better, that I'd be all excited about my birthday again.

Nope. Maybe this just happens when you get older?

Oh livejournal, it's been too long. I'd forgotten how nice it is to post anything, no matter how unimportant, in the relatively anonymous world of livejournal. The site is so dang hard to navigate, no one will ever read my boring posts. (Dangit! This isn't a creamsicle. It's just a good for nothing popsicle.) Unlike myspace, where I feel like anyone can read them.

I move up to chicago in 3 weeks. Hot dog. Finally. I can hardly believe I survived 6 months chez mom and dad. It wasn't too bad. I wouldn't do it again, but it was still really nice of them to let me come stay with them, rent-free.

I'm all set up for school, loans, insurance, apartment, the whole shebang. Now I just need to not flunk out. Dad keeps trying to tell me that he'll pay for my rent and most of my living expenses, but I just don't think it's a good idea. I need them to be less involved in my life. Plus, it's impossible to explain to them that they have strings attached to that money, because they don't think they do. What if I want to invite a bunch of ex-convict tranvestites over to my apartment and play strip poker? I can't do that if they're paying my rent. So I'm going to go this alone. It's kind of freaking them out, which I (childishly) enjoy.

I can't wait to get up to chicago and make some friends. Seriously bored in Lexington and lonely for people my age. I had more friends in Niger. I just realized over the past month how much I crave a social life. Not crazy drinking/going out, just people to talk to and share my life with. Not too much to ask for, I think!

Geez, this post is too long already. But again, who cares! It's livejournal! I love this place.

Guess what the final hymn is at Park United Methodist (where I am pianist/organist) for Easter?

HE LIVES!

I love that hymn! It cracks me up! He liiiives!!! He liiiives! Something something soooomethiiing! Heeeee.